i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He passed out mid-signature
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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