If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
