Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hippo gnu deer
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
