i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
