I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
