All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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