Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize