im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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