took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
