I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
