When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
