.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
