tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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