my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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