then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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