Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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