life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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