why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
