You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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