then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
