i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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