peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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