to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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