I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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