Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
