bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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