DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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