Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i drank out of a bidet.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize