Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
