Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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