Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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