Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
