You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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