Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize