i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
