I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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