you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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