so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
