You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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