i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
