Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
