At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
