Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
