Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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