Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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