I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
