never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
