Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
