You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
