life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
