If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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