I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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