I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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