She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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