I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
