just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
