I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
