Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
