why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
