I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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