how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
