i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
