This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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