i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
