im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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