No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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