he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
