just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Who died my cat blue again?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
