I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it was like eating out sand paper
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
