the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
