I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
