I cockslap morals
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
