are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
