Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
