I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
