i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize