Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
