he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
