I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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