so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
