You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
