just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
